The #1 Reason Why Most People FAIL

Let’s start with “What do YOU think is the no. 1 reason why people fail?” (reply in the comment section, I am really curious to know)

Today I had a totally different topic in mind to write about, but yesterday’s story changed it all. You see, yesterday I noticed in a very plastic way, why people fail. And it’s not at all what you think. It’s not because people are lazy, or people are unclear about their goals, or people are stupid...not at all.

You can be the smartest, hard working person I know, you might be ambitious, actually highly ambitious and responsible and still FAIL. And fail big and fail often. 

Actually, if you are a highly ambitious, super determined, hard worker and smart, you might fail more than everyone else. 

And I am not saying this to point out how awesome failing is and that without failing we wouldn’t get results. Not at all. Failing su*%s. (pardon my french)

I’ll say it again.

Failing su^$s.

Highly ambitious, super determined, hard worker and smart people fail daily because of… (drum roll please) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.

The No. 1 Reason Why People Fail Is Unrealistic Expectations

And to paint the picture better, I am willing to share what happened to me yesterday and how I reacted to it.

Disclosure: I am a smart, highly ambitious, super determined, hard working person who believes there is a solution for everything, or how Marie Forleo might put it “Everything is figureoutable”.

Disclosure 2: I am in love with vintage silk pleated skirts.

This weekend, I received a few vintage silk pleated skirts. I was in LOVE. I had blacks, color block and metallic. I was in heaven. Only one tiny problem. They were NOT my size. In fact, they were a few sizes TOO BIG.

“No problem. I can fix that. I know how to sew. I understand the principle, cause I am smart. I’ve got this.”

Expectation #1: do it for the first time and do it perfectly.

I start with the metallic skirt. I cut the excess part, I find the exact matching thread and start sewing. I am almost done when I noticed that I MADE A MISTAKE and that the final result does not look okay, in fact, it looks awful. Like a beginner had sewn it. (I considered myself a PRO, cause why not?! Never done it before, but I should be good at it, cause I am smart and I understand the process)

Result: failure.

I was angry, I felt like I wasted a lot of time for nothing. (cause for a perfectionist, every single act must have a purpose, not be in vain) I also noticed my behavior and my unrealistic expectation. Decided to START AGAIN.

Expectation #2: learn from my first mistake and do it perfectly now. 

I take the black skirt. This time, not only I learned from my previous mistake, I also thought of upgrading the process. (being a smarty pants) So, I cut it twice, took out the excess and made sure that when I sew it back it will be invisible.

Done and done.

It took forever. (hint: I do not have a sewing machine, so it’s all done by hand – MY hand)

Result: semi-failure.

This time I did not completely fail, meaning the seam looked almost invisible, but the ending not so much. You could still see someone did something to it. (an eye of a perfectionist)

I was not happy with myself. Why on Earth didn’t it look perfect? Why couldn’t I sew it perfectly? It was MY SECOND TIME! Based on my unrealistic expectation, I was supposed to nail it this time. Decided to START AGAIN.

Expectation #3: stay calm, learn from my previous mistakes and accept that I am not a fashion designer with sewing experience. Do my best.

So, I take my orange skirt and applied everything that I learned from my mistakes.

I don’t want to brag – although this is exactly what I will do next – but I NAILED IT. You cannot see the difference, it’s like an angel came and did it for me. PER-FEC-TION.

Result: perfect. (well, 99% perfect, cause you know – I am a perfectionist)

What I did next, was a surprise.

In the past, I could never accept losing or not being good enough at something. I was raised and educated (those damn perfectionist teachers) that you either do something perfectly right from the start, or you do not do it at all.

So, I decided it was time to pick up the metallic and black skirt and redo all the sewing and even some cutting.

Result: Spend all day sewing and fixing my awesome vintage silk pleated skirts. Today I even wore the black one.

After yesterday, I focused on this lesson and how much it says about me. Because (and copy this quote)

“How you do each thing, you do everything” – inspired by Matt Linderman’s quote.

If you are a highly ambitious, hard worker, smart, perfectionist… you definitely suffer from unrealistic expectations, which leads to a constant feeling of being a failure. Because you take it personally, cause it’s in your programming.

Now, I’d love to know.

Do you now know the No. 1 reason why people fail? Do you “suffer” from unrealistic expectations? How do you deal with them?

Leave a comment below and let me know.

Remember, share as much as you can in your reply. We are all here to learn, get inspired from one another, and you may never know who you are going to influence today. Be the sparkle you want to see in others.

Thank you so much for reading, watching and sharing your voice. You are awesome and I am honored to have you here.

With love,