The 5 Love Languages & How They Can Change Your Life – #AskYourCoach

I have not done book reviews so far, but “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman is not just any book. The lessons that I personally learned from it and all my clients’ testimonials made me create this video and write this article. I want people to learn more about love and how to understand it.

Today I am talking about love, how to give it and how to receive it. We are surrounded by people that care about us or that we care about and it’s so important to know how to nurture these relationships and how to improve them to get them to a better level. 

You see, in my opinion, this is a book for all relationships: with your spouse, your parents, your children or your friends. I have read this book a few times and each time I get deeper and deeper into the subject. It saved my relationship twice and I am so grateful for its existence and I really want to inspire you or at least, make you curious to go out there and get it.

The whole book is based on the 5 languages that people use in order to express love. There is also a test you can take (5lovelanguages.com), to see which are your love languages. 

Which are the 5 love languages?

Some people express their love for others by constantly telling them how wonderful they are, by cheering them up, by telling them often how much they love them and care for them.

This means that some people show their love, not by words, but by setting some time ahead to spend with their loved ones. They are always available for you and they make sure you know they want to spend time with you. 

This is actually one of my primary love language, which means that I love to show my love for somebody by buying or creating amazing presents. The more thought I put into it, the more (in my mind) the other person feels how much I love them. Of course, if I get a present that I really need and want, I know that the person that gave me must really love me.

Another language that I speak dearly. I feel loved when people help me out. This means help with chores, help with cooking, help with brainstorming, etc. 

The people that speak this language show they love by hugging, by kissing, by touching your arm when they talk to you, etc. They also receive love from you, if you touch them back.

So, now you know the languages and you can take the test, but how is this going to solve anything in your relationships?

We all speak different love languages and most conflicts happen because people feel they give a lot and not receive anything back, or not receive as much as they give. It is heartbreaking to see two partners, that love each other, but that communicate their love in different ways. For example, this is a personal lesson from my life.

As you know, one of my love languages is “acts of service”, meaning that I feel loved when I am being helped. My boyfriend’s love language is “touching”, so he feels loves when I kiss him or hug him. But “touching” is not my love language and I do not like doing it as much and in the past, I even find it a bit “too much” when he did it to me. 

So, one day we started arguing that things do not work out between us. I was coming home from work and was doing laundry or cleaning by myself, which drove me insane. He was coming home and hoped to see me jump in his arms and kiss him and be there for him – which I did not do. So, our conclusion was that we do not match, we have different needs and we probably do not love each other as much as we say it.

Then I read the book and it got to me. The problem was NOT that we did not love each other, the problem was that our love message was lost in translation. When I realized that by touching is how he receives my love, I started doing it for him, to see if anything will change. After doing it for a while, he lit up, he was so happy and felt so loved that he started to think how could he offer me love in a way that I would really receive it. So, I told him about this book and about my love languages and since that day, he is always thoughtful to give me the greatest presents and to help me out with all the chores in the house. 

In order to save or improve any relationship, you need to learn to speak love in a way that the other person gets it. The fastest way to see which is your partner love language is to notice what do they do to you. What we do to others is usually what we would like others to do to us. If your partner is always giving you presents, it is obvious that this is how he knows what love is, so he/she will feel loved if you do the same back. If he is always telling you how much he loves you and how much you mean to him and how amazing you are, his love language is “words of affirmation” and you will improve your relationship if you do the same to him.

Even though the people around you might not have heared of this book or might not want to change, I promise you that if you change and if you speak love on their language, eventually, they will do the same to you. It’s just a matter of time. Be patient and be the change you want to see in the world 

Even if in the past, I was not a kissy-kissy huggy person, you should see me now with my fiancee, I am all over him and I even started to like it. Show your love for others in a way they will see it, not in a way you want to receive it because this way they might not notice how much you really love them.

Now, I’d love to know.

Did you read the book? Did you take the online test? What are your love languages?

Leave a comment below and let me know.

Remember, share as much as you can in your reply. We are all here to learn, get inspired by one another, and you may never know who you are going to influence today. Be the sparkle you want to see in others.

Thank you so much for reading, watching and sharing your voice. You are awesome and I am honored to have you here.

With love,