A new sunny day leads to a new #AskYourCoach Video – how to overcome loneliness! I am so grateful for doing what I do and for being able to make a difference with my passion. Because today’s #AskYourCoach hits home.
Today’s question comes from a reader that asked me a while ago:
“How to overcome loneliness without drinking or smoking?”*
*And I also added “eating”, because I was dealing with this for years.
You see, I lived by myself for years, starting at a younger age, with no parents to watch over me all the time and no roommates. So, I felt lonely pretty often. What did I do?
At first, I joined a lot of volunteering projects and kept myself so busy that by the time I had to arrive home it was already time for bed. After realizing I was too tired for all the projects I was in, I turned to food for comfort – even when I already had a serious relationship. You know how sometimes, the relationship does not go as you wished it will and you still feel lonely? Well, every time I felt like that, I ate. It’s not so bad that I ate, is what I ate. I ate sweets. From Nutella with biscuits to Nutella with cornflakes, Nutella with pancakes, Nutella with a spoon – to any kind of chocolate. Sounds familiar?
Did I mention that I started gaining weight and hated my body and became a lousy victim?
It starts with feeling lonely and ends with an addiction, weight gain, frustration and less self-love.
We are living faster lives, we run from one place to another, striving to be perfect for everyone and please everyone and most of the time we forget about ourselves, forget about our needs. I see a lot of young powerful women that come home to an empty apartment where they have to deal with being alone.
Of course that when you are too busy creating the perfect career, being the best friend or the perfect child, you do not have much time left to find someone to share a life with.
So, what do you do? You end up drinking before going to sleep – only a glass a wine you say – until it becomes two or three. Or you smoke or eat. 99% of all the women that I help, eat their way out of loneliness.
- 1. Learn to love yourself more
- Baths with bath salts, bubbles, candles, music
- Putting makeup on every day
- Getting your nails done constantly
- Cleaning your house and get rid of everything that is ugly, does not fit, expired and does not serve you any good
- Buy things you love: a new dress, a new perfume, a new book…
- Pray, meditate, do yoga, do tapping, go for a jog
- 2. Do things that create joy in your life
Think about all the things that cause you pleasure, might be watching movies or reading a magazine. You keep saying you do not have time for this, when in fact, I am sure you have 2 hours every week to do something you can enjoy. A lot of people used to cook and love to cook, but they stopped because they do not have someone to cook for.
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Don’t you consider yourself a “someone”? Leaving the joke aside, you are important and you are enough. If cooking used to bring so much joy, why not doing it today? I recommend watching Jamie Oliver and dare you to cook something special this week – to enjoy by yourself and even brag on Facebook or Instagram with what you made. (Notify me, I would love to share it!)
You might be a creative person that never has time to let her creativity juices flow. I am exactly like this, and I decided to join a group of people that meet regularly and create hand-made stuff, from earrings to boxes. This is a great advice and I dare you to find a group and do it too!
- 3. Meet new people that share your values and desires
Instead of sitting at home, by yourself, feeling sorry for yourself, go out there and meet some people! Check all the events that are happening in your city, events where you can meet people that want what you want and share your values. Add them in your calendar and go for it.
Yes, it is this simple and this easy! You only making it complicated by making up excuses like “I am too tired” or “My hair does not look good today and I do not feel like washing it” or “I do not have time, I need to prepare something important for tomorrow at work“. (I used them too, I know many excuses)
The next time you are lonely realise your urges to eat, drink or smoke and ask yourself “How can I love myself more right now?”
Food, alcohol or cigarettes are not love, are just a way of filling your time until you feel lonely again and on top of it, guilty. You can change this cycle! And you can do it NOW.
If you know any other tips on how to overcome loneliness or if my message inspired you, please let me know in a comment bellow. I would love to get to meet you 🙂